Mar. 18th, 2014

intaglio: knightofend @ LJ (hangups)
I was on and off the fence, like you do, about burning this fucking thing to the figurative ground. (I think I cited something stuffy and pretentious deep and important about cyclical optimism and perpetually incomplete goals--as if daring to have them made them worthless, just because I didn't also achieve them.)

Gonna let it stand.

I live in California now. I get to keep that. It's fact. Sweet merciful fuck-all else is going right, but that worked out, at least. I am literally where I wanted to be.

I don't graduate now until at least fall, everyone's between jobs again (again, which I feel is just a soft-sell way of saying perpetually, which is like the heat of a furnace, blinking it away reflexively, flinching back) and a friend of mine died over the weekend. Made her some promises I never will fulfill, now, but I don't think she holds it against me, which just sort of makes it worse.

I'm just going to go do something, anything, about next term's classes, try to get something together, try to talk to my committee and see where I'm at and whether I should just fucking withdraw from the whole program. I am so tired of not doing anything. Therefore, something.


intaglio: knightofend @ LJ (Default)

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